Be Gone....

Oddly, well not oddly, I just want to get away from here a lot.  Ever feel like you have over stayed your welcome somewhere?  Like you have helped everyone get into their position but got no return? lol.  No, I don't mean just moving out....I mean moving away.  I wish I could travel 24/7, it would be amazing.  People who have enough time for me, we would chill and stuff.....make music.....go different places...blah blah...play video games.  I want to meet all my music teammates and rock out.....do the band me and Mike talked about...everyone away from here that I talk to a lot would have fun with me and stuff.  Part of me feels, what purpose do I still have here?  I'm not exactly 'needed' or entirely would be missed....just look at my recent history.  I think I miss myself more than anyone here does.  Everyone else is happy and content with their situations.....and I'm not part of the reason.  Right now I'm happiest when writing songs and talking to music heads about life and locations and what we would do artistically if we were close.  Well fuck it, there's history I want to make....chances I want to take.  And it seems people farthest need me the most sometimes.  REMINDER, part of me feels this way.

Get Out of My Life.....Aw Welcome Back!

I CAN'T STAND when people be like, "Yeah.....I'm through with them...I can't take them anymore." but always bring them back in their life.  Like either they have to be truthful to themselves or shut the fuck up saying that stuff.  Oh they hurt me so much....oh they annoy me....oh they keep trying to mess my life up.  People I have a secret....like very confidential....

I have to whisper this....


*whispers* THERE IS SUCH THING AS A FUCKING BLOCK BUTTON....

I don't understand.  People allow people who bother them soooooooooo much to remain doing so when there is always an option to cut them off.  Like really.....but then as soon as they say they are done with them or say they won't talk to them.....guess what they do?

No guess dammit....

They invite them the fuck back! lol.....Do they realize how much they contradict themselves?  But when they get screwed over again they want to run around complaining like guess what so and so did?  And my reply is always the same.

"Hmmmm lemme guess....they did the same thing they did last time you said you were cutting them off...right?"

Them - "Hell yeah....can you believe that?"

Me - "Fuck yeah you dumbass.....*


NOTE.....people please don't come to me complaining about a nigga you keep welcoming in your life only to complain about them to me.....because I used to be nice about it....but now I will just tell you to fuck off.....this is adulthood, not high school.  You won't have an awkward moment seeing them in a hallway or some shit....

Meh.... *Pours Cup*

You ever get that loner feeling even while being surrounded?  Like standing in a cube in a party?  Fuck am I talking about? lol.  Okay let me be more literal.  Ever feel like the ones you wished talked to you more actually did?  OR that the ones you talk to a lot lived closer?  Distance can be a blessing and a curse because sometimes.  Sometimes someone can be geographically close but still have a wall in between the both of you.  Sometimes the wall can be transparent and sometimes it's a mirror.  When it's transparent, you both can see each other fully and if there is any change, you change together.....or grow together.....still being close or whatnot.  When the wall is a mirror, you only see self change and can't really keep track of who they are becoming of if they are even the same person you thought you shared a bond with.  When we have a mirror in between, sometimes the communication breaks down or.......leaves all together.  Sort of like...each of you going your own way....doing things without inviting the other...not acknowledging the "bond" that was there in the first place.  So eventually one notices being slighted in the deal and speaks up, but then usually is labeled a victim of circumstance even though they had no control of the other person.  So where does that leave them?  Are they stuck in a real of present history?  Living a double sided farce?  Fuck if I know....but for someone whom plays the often left behind or left out of the loop individual, I can say for one that it's not a fun role to play or be enthusiastic about.