Sacred Hair Pins and Expired Lipstick....

I try to front like I'm not......I put on a mask, yes I do.  I haven't swallowed this truth yet.....idk if I can or want to.  I smile yes.  I laugh yes.  I can't sleep...yes.  I can admit, this is one of the most alone times of my life.  Looking back in my life and mistakes I have ever made.  I think my fear of being alone of what has partially made me alone.  Does that make sense?  Like, my fear of never having a girl made me mess up with girls.  My fear of messing up with friends caused me to mess up with friends.  There was an adverse effect.  A couple years ago, my emotional randomization began.  I literally sat up last night until 5 a.m. like...where did this time go?  What made life more complicated?  After the relationship, I started looking for attention from girls instead of letting it come to me.  I was hunting it down...from people....everyone.  I ran from my own mirror....as far as i could.  In some way, I guess I felt if I wasn't good enough for them, then I would look everywhere for validation...for acceptance.  But now, I've come full circle.  Yeah I'm social, but I'm close to few people.  Oddly enough, when you're left by yourself....the only person you can see is the reflection of the one you ran from in the first place.....yourself.  People think I make all these beats and stuff because I want to.  No.  It's because I have all this time on my hands.  Yeah it's fun and I like it.....but I would rather hang with the old gang.      

All Along the Watchtower.....

School is OVER!!!  It was one of the most stressful ones ever but it's over.  And I'm STILL waiting on my last grade lol.  Now I'm job searching and finally can pay more attention to working out and finally I have a workout partner.....I seriously want to work out everyday.  And eat even better........and I want to see the Avengers AGAIN.  I love it...especially the last 30 minutes.  I'm still contemplating the bowling league this year too.......I feel like my arm is falling off from all of the practicing recently.  I have to cement some of my birthday ideas too.....Chicago is still the place, just want to know where when I'm there.  This summer has to be explosive.....I really hope and know it will be!

Snicker Doodles and Cosby Sweaters

Okay...someone very close to me said they wanted space and didn't want to hang out.  But when I gave space it's like I'm seen as not talking enough or trying enough. I honestly am confused.  Like I'm always the one fighting to get back to where we were, but they said they don't need me anymore because they are happier alone than talking to me.  I don't get that even after it was explained.  But now they don't like being alone and I'm like, "Hello! *points to self*  And recently I went on a trip about 3 hours away....and I kind of kept it to myself because I was stressed out and needed to regather myself....just get away and take a step back from everything.  But they are upset I didn't say anything....but I brought my laptop to use for when I had wifi and still had my phone even though we don't even text much.    And like if I was actually allowed to hang out....or even see their face for half a second i would definitely need to tell them because there is a chance they would want to see me for a change.  I think they feel I'm hanging with other people to fit in or something....when in fact if they would hang with me like we should be doing right now, a lot of this could have been avoided.  But I'm confused.....like we still act as friends whether it's posting cool and funny stuff on each others walls or something.  But like they said, it all stems from a decision to date someone.  Ever since then they havent trusted my judgement and choices.  I sorta understand that...because yes......I could have sidestepped that whole issue.  But when they had an even bigger situation, i never said i don't trust them...or their choices...i never said i wanted distance from them.....even after I said not to see someone they still ended up seeing.  It's because I knew it would all work out...and I knew and loved them long enough to know that even though they weren't listening to me either, they learned from that mistake and they even said it made them better.  All I asked was for that same chance for me to be better from learning and not criticized so much for something everyone goes through.  Like they said, we don't know if we will ever get back as close as we once were, but I do know that as long as we both realize that best friends don't have to go through this, but work on it as a real team.....then we might actually begin the right path back to where we were....because life is too short not to have one of the most important people in your life for any amount of time....especially when God gives is so little time to bond with people..........

Trayvon Martin and Black On Black Violence...

My thoughts.....

Let’s go to sleep in Paris,

And wake up in Tokyo.
Have a dream in New Orleans,
Fall in love in Chicago,
Mayne.
Wherever I go she goes.

[Verse 1]
I love her
And I hate to leave her lonely
Ring ring went the Iphone, it was my homie
He said, “let’s hit Japan,
If we can make ‘em jam,
We can make a hundred grand,
Spend it in the south of France
Nothing further.” I jumped,
Grabbed my go-yard trunk,
Got ready to ‘walk it out,’ like Unk
In my John Lennon chucks.
That’s when I heard Murder
You’re killin me, you’re fillin me
With sorrow, sunrise, “goobye“‘s,
And “missin you tomorrow“‘s.
I turn to see my dream
Love supreme queen, meanest thing on the scene, cry.
I drop my bags in a flash
That’s faster one A-T on that dash-er,
To dry your tears.
And wipe the rain from my dear like dash-er,
Use the dame who’s the username to all my pass-words.
The reason I get fly as Ivan Jasp-er,
I even keep your picture in my pass-purt.
(love love)

[Chorus]
Let’s go to sleep in Paris,
And wake up in Tokyo.
Have a dream in New Orleans,
Fall in love in Chicago,
Mayne.

Then we can land in the motherland,
Camelback across the desert sand.
Take a train, to Rome, or home,
Brazil, forreal.
Wherever I go she goes.
Wherever I go she goes.

[Verse 2]
So let’s keep it, real,
All in’t together, “free chill!”
Tell the stewardess to throw a movie, on the reel.
Heat up my kosher meal, exchange my dollar bills,
Lean back in my first-class seat, and sleep.
Don’t wake me till I land, when they barely understand
What I speak, but they nod to my beats.
I tell my fans who I am and they stand and they clap
They applaud. They love me, my God.
“O’scadie sama’desta” or maybe “au revoir,”
“A spree on Saint Henry,” then back to Charles de Gaul.
So I can get home and tell her everywhere that I been,
And, everything that I done, and,
Tell her that she’s the one, and, um.

[Chorus]
Let’s go to sleep in Paris,
And wake up in Tokyo.
Have a dream in New Orleans,
Fall in love in Chicago,
Mayne.

Then we can land in the motherland,
Camelback across the desert sand.
Take a train, to Rome, or home,
Brazil, forreal.
Wherever I go she goes.
Wherever I go she goes.

[Verse 3]
Uh.
Guess who’s back in the, house,
With a bunch of souvenirs, and a smile for your mouth.
I really missed you, each and every night I kissed you
In my dreams, ‘fore I went to sleep, to La-La land to count them sheep.
I swear you’re lookin prettier than ever,
It’s got to be a prophecy for us to stay together ever more.
For better or, less or poor, all worth the wait in buried treasure
X’s on the shore.
I know my world tour’s like war to you,
But Ian said, “Aloha,” and Harley said, “Cheers!”
Julian said, “Bonjour!,” Big O was like “Yeahhhhh!”
Amanda and Lemessie want to know when we goin there.
Edison sends his love, so does the rest of the club
Of the international play-boys and play-yas.
But I revoke my membership, all for My Tenderness,
She said, “Pursue your interests, ‘cause even If
I’m ticketless, I’ll be there, by your side,
In your heart and, on your mind.”
So, as I taxi down another runway,
I Gotcha, who loves you ‘bay?
Now bring it back, now, uh.

[Chorus]
Let’s go to sleep in Paris,
And wake up in Tokyo.
Have a dream in New Orleans,
Fall in love in Chicago,
Mayne.

Then we can land in the motherland,
Camelback across the desert sand.
Take a train, to Rome, or home,
Brazil, forreal.
Wherever I go she goes.
Wherever I go she goes.

Wherever I go she goes.
Wherever I go she goes.

Nightstands and Cotton Candy Sticks

Honestly, no matter what, no matter how close or far.....up or down.....I will always love them.....I always have faith things work out for the better....and I won't stop no matter how confusing situations may be....honestly, no matter how big or small the part of them i get to communicate with or love.....i will be happy with it.  yes, people grow and stuff.....but as long as they are on the same tree, the foundation is always there.  We are rooted in a strong bond....i don't understand now and i dont think my mind wants me to....or im in denial....but my love for them is true and they are the best friend i ever had and have and will always be that no matter what....all i can do is keep bettering myself and take all criticism into account and work on it...it's what i been doing and i have to keep improving.....i have faith we will be closer than we are now.....no matter what is said or anything...like my idol MJ said *L-O-V-E*

Band T-Shirts and Lawn Chairs

I REALLY will start updating this thing.........I keep thinking it but never doing it....